Funny Or Die
I was a freelance contributor to Funny Or Die. I sold jokes to FOD which appeared in online articles (mainly listicles) and on their social media channels. Believe it or not, Funny Or Die used to publish written content on their website before they got rid of their editorial department and focused solely on video and TV.
Here are some contributions I made for those written pieces. The links are mostly broken or no longer on the website, but there are a few tumblr and social posts that still reference them, just to prove they once existed...
13 Other Things Donald Trump Could Use Russia's Help WithThis one’s for Mr. Gorbachev: help me put up this wall. Gorbachev knows walls. His last wall was gorgeous and lasted a very, very long time.I want my Trump University students to study abroad there, thanks. The ones who complain I want them to study in Siberia or wherever, you know, that cold part you got over there.10 Ways To Meet Your Favorite CelebrityPut a fresh baked pie on a windowsill and wait for Scorsese to show up16 Things You Can Legally Do On An AirplaneFlip off passing airplanes10 Not Yet Announced Features Of The Nintendo SwitchPort for you to blow into when it's not working10 Excellent Ways To Get Your Brain Functioning In The MorningUnplug it and plug it back inHalf-finish a crossword puzzle12 Sure-Fire Ways To Keep Your New Year's ResolutionsJust to be safe, end every resolution with "or maybe not"Last Night's Golden Globe Awards' Most Outrageous Moments#GoldenGlobesSoGolden somehow trended12 Signs Russia Is Exercising Influence On AmericaInstead of red, white and blue, the American flag is now red, red and red13 Alarming Crimes That Will Exist In The FutureAsking someone a question you could just figure out on your own9 Lines That Might Get You Hired But Will Definitely Get You LaidI'm willing to bend over backward to get everything done12 Funny Church Signs From This Week (1/30/2017)God's way, not ConwayWhat Your Dog Is Thinking When He Sees You NakedI am a dogMike Pence Facts: Can You Believe It?A Boston Market in Indiana named him their #1 customer in 200410 Gritty Nintendo Games We Need To See As MoviesNintendog Fighting11 Game Of Thrones Plot Points You Forgot AboutBran was denied healthcareSansa said 'yes' to two boys asking her to prom11 Ways To Know This Is Real Life And Not A DreamGuac is extra12 Things That Will Make A Bartender AngryProhibition13 Things You Do That Remind You That You're Just An AnimalWhen I open my mouth to yawn a bunch of birds fly in and clean my teeth11 Totally F'd Up Things Your Cat Dreams AboutPooping on an endless beach12 Weird Things For Rappers To Brag AboutGeorge Takei retweeted themThe Mindblowing-est Twists In The New Season Of Black MirrorArkangel: Jenny McCarthy was right about vaccinations all alongBenefits Of Having A Flat EarthNo globe, no global warmingEasier to drawMost Forgotten Lines From 'The Star Spangled Banner'When I say "United" you say "States!"7 Legitimate Reasons To Get GhostedThey got super busy all of a sudden but mostly hated spending time with you but come on you get it you weren't really trying anywayBotnik Presents: The Best Rom Coms On NetflixKate And Julia And Maude And Leopold: four strangers in Queens love Doctor Who, but it’s a singer without fame who makes love with all of them.
